735

when you think life is tough and you cant do it anymore...as a single parent...sit and watch you're children develop and grow...it will illicit so much more energy from you that you'll find continuing an easy task...today i watched my children share a moment of growth over my sons pre k homework and it was magical for me...i know everything will work out when it comes to me and them growing up strong and loving life...

Jose Sanchez

1002

jus because i wish it so doesnt mean itll happen...lesson to be relearned...she had plans i didnt remember and instead of communicating that she rehashes the same line..im tired...my day was long...and so what...outside of ur meeting what did u really do that was sooo tiring...nothing...u took care of ur children...wow...i do the same, xcept my day usually begins and ends with them, urs dont...get over urself...arrgh..ok...off the negative and back to the positive...how am i wrong for supporting her wish to do these open mike sessions, by saying ur relieved...go take care of u for tonite i forgot this was a commitment u made for self...y doesnt she see that instead of it being that im shoving her out...one day itll all make sense...on a positive note ive begun online sessions with a single mothers group that has renewed my dedication to taking this seperation for what it is a transition to a better me, a better her and hopefully a better us even if the us isnt together...the insights were on point and honest because they came from ppl going through or have been through much of what im currently going through...it was lovely to finally put it all out there...and my aim for tonite was to sit down with her and put our seperation on paper so its concrete about what we expect from each other during this trial seperation...alas all she got from it was the potential of an arguement cuz she isnt ready to face the situation head on...we shall see wed...

Jose Sanchez

hold my hand daddy

hold my hand
my fav phrase today
his eyes lit up wit excitement and fear

hold my hand
she calls out
her voice light but strong

my grip comforting, securing,
days filled wit the repetition of being Dad, the muscle memory of getting up and pursuing smiles from my children, the intake and exhalation of being Dad, feet hurt, mind numb, attitude bumpy, heart full of joy...i can do this forever it beats...

hold my hand
they say
i gladly do

Jose Sanchez

1231

let me love you...wen ur ready to love me, itll come naturally...so for now, let me love you

Jose Sanchez

1100

right word wrong construct...i am desperate to totally give over to getting my family out of this hole we've been in...i want so much to taste fresh air, that every oppurtunity is a chance to stay alive in this life, im needed here, i matter here...my pleas to you is patience and peace...doors r opening for me, pls allow me the chance to do wat ur doin getting the chance to live da life u want for u minus me...these doors that are opening will give u the chance, the oppurtunity to do more to get back to you, at least the you you want to be sans chez...i love that name...i love you..and just want to give you what you want...so i plead wit you to work with me im settling a lot of shit so we can be free to be ourselves without clashing...if we're serious about getting niya out of that care, and our children out of that atmosphere, then give me support to plant my foot somewhere...shit two pay periods...after that we can put together a real plan to do just that...our son is taking care of, our daughter is in a consistent situation...we can get you in an apartment so the picture of your involvement changes, no more outside opinions...pay down our debts so we can go and finish our academic rise...one hand washes the other, both wash the face...

Jose Sanchez

1050

i sit here trying to watch tv...but my daughter is writhing in pain from being bit up by mosquitos...sad to say that this week i dropped the ball with so many big things going on i left out simple summer time protection for my lil girl...i kno i make it seem so major, and in this context it seems so minor...and it is a very minor thing...calamine lotion, and off skintastic and i have my fix...but in da future i have to be better at organizing the small things as well as the big things in my life...on another note today was my sons first official day at school, it began as i expected excitement before entering the building then sadness as he realized i was leaving and he was staying...but after five minutes his natural survivor instinct took over and he insulated his feelings and attended class...we spoke wen i picked him up, over ice cream he told me wat made his day and wat didnt work for him...it was a singular powerful moment of being a great dad...on a personal front i passed the hurdle of the city exam...92.5 great score and now validated with the prospect of being able to provide a full and comfortable life for my kids and myself...i can breath a bit easier...this year has had its high and low points but im finally coming out of the valley and approaching the climb bak to the vista that was my life...with the added beauty of my present life now...daringmetobme has now become beingmeisdaonlymeiaimtobe...

Jose Sanchez

945

it is what it is...today was a beautiful day of being..for the second day in a row we went to the movies...transformers came out...no need for 3D...the movie was fantastic...crowded...and we had to look up to watch it...but it was soo worth the neck stretch...then it was mcdonalds...by the time we finally arrived home the kids were beat as was i...four thirty...whoa imagine being around ur children from 730 till four thirty...now thats a job, at the very least its a shift...dinner was recieved with lukewarm responses...they liked da rice but the shrimp wasnt happening...nxt time i guess....lol...bath and snack time as always no problem...nine oclock sleep time...kids r sleep by 930...this is my wonderful world of parenting...im getting good at this...soon i should have the day mastered like a swiss army knife...lol...even with the hiccups of the day...nothing short of an earthquake could have made my day worse...i think ive finally made it out of my cloudy, gloomy mindset and have settled into the calm of my days...

Jose Sanchez