147

todays word:accountability

where do you place blame when you dont really want to point fingers..im so over being the forgive and forget type but im seriously taken aback by lack of understanding...her rationale for being consistently late i dont work for the mta...but you control how you spend your day so if you're accountable for the rest of your day how is it that you dont see yourself accountable for your own latenesses...you cant blame the service if you are not giving yourself a cushion to get there on time or rather not taking into consideration that things may happen beyond your control...then i have accept my own mistakes i cld hav jus gotten up n got my own child instead of waiting for his mother..im jus as culpable for the.problems...so today is about accountability

Jose Sanchez

1237

i cant love alone, so what of a love that wishes to flit and flitter about while holding on....how does one cope with the potential of having to let go of love when they have finally allowed themselves to feel love..how does one grasp the reality that love is sooo easy to fall for yet so tough to let go of...today i heard the cry of my heart as it broke...stomped on by the love it so badly wants to hold onto...though it wasnt a finale cuz love says its intentions arent to have this end but it cant predict the future...WTF...how can you soo easily say yes to whoring about but say IDK to keeping it faithful...have i really laid down my heart in the comforts of an adultris...how do i reconcile my heart with my addiction to her, when i feel so alone in my efforts to remain strong in love

Jose Sanchez

248

perfection is always locked in the memories we keep locked away in our hearts. i still hold many moments of perfection in mine and i add to my collection almost daily...tonite i captured another...my wife and daughter laying together it wld seem like its been forever since ive seen this picture...its a peaceful feeling just watching my two ladies amongst each other...and i will often gaze upon this moment and many just like it when they leave...less than sixty days till they depart and my life gets completely torn apart...i will miss the balance my wife provides...and i will greatly miss the smiles and sunshine that is my daughter...but these memories will sustain me till i have them both with me again...perfection='s the moment of joy locked in your heart...

Jose Sanchez

735

when you think life is tough and you cant do it anymore...as a single parent...sit and watch you're children develop and grow...it will illicit so much more energy from you that you'll find continuing an easy task...today i watched my children share a moment of growth over my sons pre k homework and it was magical for me...i know everything will work out when it comes to me and them growing up strong and loving life...

Jose Sanchez

1002

jus because i wish it so doesnt mean itll happen...lesson to be relearned...she had plans i didnt remember and instead of communicating that she rehashes the same line..im tired...my day was long...and so what...outside of ur meeting what did u really do that was sooo tiring...nothing...u took care of ur children...wow...i do the same, xcept my day usually begins and ends with them, urs dont...get over urself...arrgh..ok...off the negative and back to the positive...how am i wrong for supporting her wish to do these open mike sessions, by saying ur relieved...go take care of u for tonite i forgot this was a commitment u made for self...y doesnt she see that instead of it being that im shoving her out...one day itll all make sense...on a positive note ive begun online sessions with a single mothers group that has renewed my dedication to taking this seperation for what it is a transition to a better me, a better her and hopefully a better us even if the us isnt together...the insights were on point and honest because they came from ppl going through or have been through much of what im currently going through...it was lovely to finally put it all out there...and my aim for tonite was to sit down with her and put our seperation on paper so its concrete about what we expect from each other during this trial seperation...alas all she got from it was the potential of an arguement cuz she isnt ready to face the situation head on...we shall see wed...

Jose Sanchez

hold my hand daddy

hold my hand
my fav phrase today
his eyes lit up wit excitement and fear

hold my hand
she calls out
her voice light but strong

my grip comforting, securing,
days filled wit the repetition of being Dad, the muscle memory of getting up and pursuing smiles from my children, the intake and exhalation of being Dad, feet hurt, mind numb, attitude bumpy, heart full of joy...i can do this forever it beats...

hold my hand
they say
i gladly do

Jose Sanchez

1231

let me love you...wen ur ready to love me, itll come naturally...so for now, let me love you

Jose Sanchez