hopelessly chasing a shadow

im the only one here running myself down expecting some form of hope that we will be ok but it would seem that im only lying to myself..she said it we're not together...divorce is off the table we both dont want it...so then what are we doing, just being seperated...to what end...how long are we gonna stay away from each other...when do we get to the point where we begin reaching out toward one another instead of this constant running she wants to do...when do we fight for each other instead of fighting with one another...why does everything have to be sooo hard...all i want is to go home to her arms, to feel her hug me with her strength...to feel her look at me the way i look at her, with love for all of what i kno and what has yet to be revealed...i miss her touch, her breath caressing my skin as we laid side by side dreaming of the tomorrows to come...instead im met with distance and disregard...and i feel like the locks have been changed to the door that leads to my home...and im floored...ive been physically homeless, but ive never felt more raw or alone than to be left looking inside from the outside to the place ive been so attached to for over six years...home...im running toward it but it just keeps backing away from me all the time, my feet wont tire, because i desire the warmth of home within my soul...

Jose Sanchez