Wednesday, June 8, 2011

chronicle 2

im heartbroken at the start of a new day, my son was lost as he watched his mother prepare to go.  his cries made me cringe as i lay there tasting the last bit of sleep before my day begins...his wails lasted longer than it took for her to get ready and leave...but they were shorter than they have been in months...i needed her to hear them, to feel his needing of her, so that she may remember why we are going through this...there is no freedom outside their love, there are no timeouts to the beauty of life so bold that it makes you want to throw yourself in front of danger to protect it....i hurt inside for the two of us for now and its cool....i know she is under a terrible strain, and i know i sound foolish for writing the excuses for her and even allowing her time to have these excuses....she's a woman locked in a battle of emotions, whether she finds her way out or not is not for me to say, i have the keys only to the doors in my choosing to step through mine, one door at a choice at a time...i have two months of full-time daddy duties and then im off to find what has held me back from being comfortable with love and in love...that is my focus...i cant assume to know what i will find in that time, and whether or not what i find will mean to how i continue on with my wife....some say i should give her what she wants her complete freedom, and their arguments make sense...but right now it makes more sense to try to work things out because our actual relationship has jus begun while our old ways of dealing with one another are slowly falling to the way side....time heals all pains...pain tells you you're is wat you determine it to why am i hung up on my life because i haven't made the determination as to what i want my life to be about outside of my kids....i have to break my perspective on things from we to me so that we can be ok...
Jose Sanchez

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